Swing that hammer!

Its a new year and my husband and I have undertaken a small project together. We have decided to remove our existing rock fireplace hearth and cover the rock with something more modern. The last 2 days we have actually had fun taking turns with the chisel and hammer and its been therapeutic for both of us. This is the first chance we have had to do a home improvement project since his diagnosis over a year ago. I will post photos soon and you will see what has made me soooooo sore!

The new year holds plenty of promise for excitement....my older teen daughter now has her driver's permit...and this time next year the younger one will as well! Life is always interesting with teen girls! We all had a great Christmas and enjoyed each other over the new year. I love the fact that I can have an adult conversation with my kids now and I truly enjoy hearing their points of view on issues. My job is in guiding them on how to best express those opinions.

Goodbye 2009!

I am sitting here thinking back on the past year like we all do on December 31 and I am excited for what the future holds. I am not the type of person who dwells on the past. As long as I can learn from it and move on then I figure my life will be better for it. The future always has more promise than the past. Does that also make me an optimist? Hope so!

2009 was a negative year but it was also a blessed year. My husband was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma and I spent much of the year as the primary caregiver and parent for our family. It was tough, but it was also a blessing. I got to spend many priceless hours with my family that I, otherwise, probably would not have under normal circumstances. It was a time in our lives that the Lord pulled us away and tucked us under His comforting arms and held us close. I am grateful.

I also wonder if I will be able to go back to working a 'normal' job after I have been spoiled by my time with my family for so long. I have been looking, but nothing is happening. I am praying about creative ways, conventional ways and a combination of both ways to earn a living. We really need the extra income and my options are wide open. As you read this please say a quick prayer that I will see the path that the Lord wants me to take. I am simply a vessel for His purposes and upon Him my faith will be.

2010 brings hope. It brings the hope that I will find my path and purpose.

Be blessed and be safe.

7 more days 'til Christmas

I must apologize for my absence lately. I have no excuses, just lack of motivation.

The insurance thing isn't working out so much. Its not that it isn't worth doing, it is just a saturated market and I am really not a salesman. I have been looking for full time work with little results in this economy. Its not that I am not qualified - there just isn't a lot of open positions near me but I will keep looking and praying.

I have done a lot of baking while home and I am really enjoying it. I would advertise and sell my goodies but I cannot get a license for that because of my indoor pet. It is mainly for friends and family right now. My artistic side is trying to come out and I have plenty of ideas - I guess I just need a way to sell my wares.

Christmas is in 7 days and I am not even close to being ready. I am ready for the family and time together, but I have not finished with half of the things I wanted to get done. Its not about gifts, but activities to make memories for our family.

Christmas last year was such a bummer and I just want this one to be way better all the way around. Last year, my husband was in bed with a broken back and had just been diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma. As a matter of fact, he was officially diagnosed on December 18, 2008 exactly one year from today. Since then he has nursed a bad back, had a stem cell transplant and retired from being a policeman.

It has been a busy year, but not a great one. We are ALL looking to making 2010 much better and I hope your coming year brings you much greatness and love.

Hope

Everyone needs hope. If you look forward to any part of the future then you have hope. Hope is what gets us out of bed in the morning and keeps us moving. Hope comes from heaven above and is a free gift if you have Jesus in your heart. Hope does not come from man or his inner strength - it is an attribute of God and His life within us. I pray for those who do not feel that they have hope and I ask that anyone reading this do the same. Many of those who suffer from depression cannot see the hope in their future and are overwhelmed by the situations in the present. God's grace is sufficient for all your needs and He loves each and every one of us without ever having to earn that love. He gives it freely.

As I begin my new career in sales (insurance), I find that hope is what keeps me going everyday. Hope is what keeps me strong because I know that no matter how bad any day or situation can be, it will not stay that way. I can have an awful day and at the end simply say, "I can't wait to see what God has in store for me tomorrow!"

This past year has been a rough one but with God's grace and strength we can all still smile and know we are loved by Him and each other. Please remember that no matter how bad a situation may seem now, tomorrow holds much promise for greatness.

I love you all and pray for you all that God's plan and love are fulfilled in you.

Faith is simple - BELIEVE!

I am getting there!

I have figured out that when you have a child with a strong personality that its a constant battle to remain in control. It doesn't have to be a battle, it just needs to be a constant work in progress. My youngest is very independent, strong and out to prove she can do it all. (I have NOOOO earthly idea where she gets that from!) There was a time when she spent a lot of time with friends this summer and it did affect her attitude. When forced to spend more time with family, she is reluctant at first but quickly returns to the goofy girl we all know. As a parent I can see how the outside influences affected her and know better where that fine line is concerning time with friends. Our neighborhood is an open place where kids play freely and with all the "stuff" we have been through this summer we allowed her to play when she wanted as long as chores were done. In retrospect we see that it may have been just a bit too much time away from family influences. This is a lesson for us as parents and we are very happy to have it earlier in her teen years than later!

I am working on finding another cool recipe to post, I just have not been real creative in the kitchen lately. I did get a bread machine and have been playing with that....its kinda cheating but it sure makes the house smell good. I may never have to buy another candle with that thing cranking out its warm goodness!

Life with TEENS

Life with teens.......its amazing that any of us ever lived past it! Our youngest has been pushing limits and has just pushed too far. She is now feeling the effects of being pushed back and isn't liking it much. She had been warned and is now regretting her decision to be rebellious. I think she was more hurt that she made dad that mad and disappointed. That is a good thing but it really is a stinky way to spend Labor Day weekend! I was very proud of both of us - we didn't even raise our voices when we laid down the law. We had company and also had to deal with this.....oh well, cie la vie.

My hubby has been cleared to do pretty much whatever he wants as long as there aren't a bunch of people around. He went to the driving range at the golf course last week and did pretty well. The golf course gave him a free round of golf for his birthday so we are going tomorrow to chase the little white ball. His doctor is very happy with his decision to start swimming and golfing again. He also said there will be no need for physical therapy at this point but he will also always have to deal with the occasional stress fracture due to his weak bones. That is just one of the things you deal with when you have multiple myeloma.

I passed my state insurance exams and am just waiting for sales school to start later in the month. So for right now, I am in limbo and just dealing with life. I do have my hands full even with the lull in the new career but am also excited to get it started.

New Fiscal or Physical Year?

Today is my hubby's 56th birthday and he has deserved a celebration. As he so eloquently puts it, "55 was hell and I can't wait to get it over with!" So we have decided that his birthday should be the start of a new year for our family. He is still recovering from his stem cell transplant and doing very well (day +66). This morning he is joining a friend for a swim at the new recreation center we have nearby. I hope he has a good time with some 'new' physical activity. His back still bothers him but he is gaining more and more mobility.

We don't have any specific plans other than we all took him out for the all-you-can-eat shrimp special at Red Lobster on Saturday. We are starting to plan a getaway weekend sometime this fall to celebrate both our birthdays together. Still looking at destination ideas....more to come later.

The girls are getting used to being back in school. The hardest part is getting up at 5 am with my oldest to make sure she is getting around. She does pretty well but that is still VERY early for a teenager to catch the bus before 6am. I am starting to enjoy the quiet time in the mornings again and I am getting a lot done, including studying for my insurance exams tomorrow.

This week should be a lot cooler too so yard work is in my plans....the heat has kept me from doing some much needed weeding! We have so many trees that need to be removed and some bushes that need to be planted....It is going to be a busy fall. Fall is my favorite time of year and our new beginning offers a new start, a new career, and lots of hope.

"Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us. -Romans 5:1-5

Bodie Island Lighthouse, North Carolina - October 2008

Football season is here!

OK...I love football but since moving to NC I have had a little difficulty enjoying it so much. It isn't easy when your favorite teams are on the opposite coast. I like the Carolina Panthers and all but I have been a fan of the Seattle Seahawks since I was a little girl. My other favorite team is whoever is scheduled to play Dallas that day!!! I have always disliked Dallas to an extreme, mostly because the owner is a less than savory character in my book. The new stadium is a pure example of how somebody's large ego won out over common sense. Those huge video screens are so low that a tall person would feel compelled to duck when walking under them. They are obviously in the way of normal play and will have to be moved much to the chagrin of the proud owner. O well!

Only 2 more days until school starts and I know I am ready. We did enjoy a very nice day yesterday as a family. We went up to the state's Farmer's Market, walked around and indulged in treats that we don't normally see. We don't get to drink Nehi sodas and snack on homemade pecan sandies every day and that was nice. It was also nice to see that smiles among the feuding sisters did start to emerge fairly early and didn't go away. We brought home some giant peaches, snap beans and blueberries and I can't wait to eat them.

My husband did very well walking around and we managed to find him places to sit to rest on a regular basis. We also went to church in the evening since the crowds are smaller in the Saturday night service. He also managed to get in his regular trip around the neighborhood with the dog.....and he was feeling great! I cannot tell you how proud of him I am since only 6 months ago he was bed ridden with fractured vertebrae and he is only 60 days out from a stem cell transplant.

We still take each day at a time but there are many more good days than bad ones now and that is a blessing from above. We praise our Lord, Jesus that he has been healed and his cancer is in remission.

More Freedom!

After a trip to Duke University yesterday we have good news. The Dr. has cleared my husband to do more activities than before. He can now go to public places and be around more people. We still have to use some discretion but he can do things like pool therapy to rebuild his back and take some classes at the community center to keep him busy. His immune system is still barren but his blood work came back normal and there is NO sign of the M protein that causes Multiple Myeloma. He is in remission!!! Praise the Lord - The stem cell transplant worked!

His birthday is at the end of the month and this one will be worthy of a party! It has been a rough year for all of us but we are thankful that we had each other. Our family motto is: "We may not have it all together, but together we have it all."

What to do?

My husband's biggest battle right now is boredom. I am trying to help him by pointing out small projects and he is grateful but I am running out of things too! Now if I could just make him see the dirty dishes, unfolded laundry and unmade beds.....Wives from all over would pay for that if I could figure it out! We tackle the new heating element for the clothes dryer today......ooooo fun.

We find out on Wednesday what the Dr. thinks of his progress and if he can do more public activities. Our daily walks down to see one of our neighbors has been the extent of his social life and he looks forward to it. I know he is doing well and will be able to do much more with the Dr.'s permission.

Summer is coming to a close for the kids but it is my favorite time of the year. I love the cooler evenings, crisp mornings and being able to watch the colors of fall come in. The seasons change and many people resist the change. I say its a waste of energy to fight the change....embrace it. Live it! Change is inevitable. Everything changes so why do humans hate it so much? Because it moves us from a place of comfort. Its nice to be comfortable, but it should never be a lifestyle.

Obama promised change and his eloquent words were full of hope. But you cannot force people to change against their will no matter how much hope it has. The human race resists change and President Obama is finding that out. The change he is proposing must happen in stages. Our health care system is sick but treatment will be a process not a shot in the butt! Much like my husband's illness, it will take a lifetime of care and maintenance.

Dealing with the Bureaucracy

Do you have any idea how difficult it is to prove that a 7 year old was in a certain place at a certain time over 48 years ago! And to top it all off, the time window is 30 days during the summer months so school records don't really count.

That is what we have been facing since we found out my husband's diagnosis of Multiple Myeloma. He qualifies as a "Downwinder" from the nuclear testing our wonderful government did in the 50's and 60's in Nevada. The government is responsible and they admit it.....we just have to PROVE IT! Multiple Myeloma is a cancer proven to be directly related to the radiation exposure.

http://ruralhealth.hrsa.gov/radiationexposure/

We are getting closer, but its amazing in this day and age of "information" that it wasn't really that important 40 years ago to keep every bit of "information" and we survived! The IRS doesn't even keep information that long - I know because we tried. The last bit of information we need just may be in finding his parent's employment records if they exist anywhere.....wish us luck because we will need it!

Happy Anniversary

We had a wonderful anniversary yesterday! My husband has Multiple Myeloma and is 37 days past his stem cell transplant. That means that his immune system is non-existent and he cannot be in public places. This only means that we need to get creative if we want to go places and do things! I managed to find a very nice golf club with a nice restaurant. We got to eat outside on the screened porch in the rain and it was wonderful. There was a nice gentle rain with a cool breeze. We had to whole place to ourselves and had a wonderful time! It was the first date we have had since before his diagnosis last December 2008. It has been a rough 8 months but it has been a wonderful 13 years.

Thank you my love and I look forward to many more! Research has come a long way and they continue to make new strides every day. If you want more information about this incurable cancer of the plasma cells check out this forum. http://www.myelomaforums.com/. At this point it is only treatable with chemotherapy and stem cell transplants. This really only buys the patient time. It is not curable.

Life after the Transplant

My husband was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma last December and is now 34 days past his stem cell transplant. For now he is just concentrating on recovering. He fractured a couple of vertebrae in Nov 2008 and that is how the tests were done to find out what was wrong. He was on bed rest for a few months and taking Revlimid which is a type of maintenance chemo. That prepared him for the stem cell transplant in June. All is looking good and only time will tell. We plan on enjoying as much time as we can together. Life is too short. He cannot go anywhere public as there is too much risk for his immune system which has been stripped. We limit his exposure to friends and strangers just to be safe. After all we have been through these last 8 months it wouldn't be worth it to do something stupid now and give him the flu or something! We just deal with it.

He was a 55 yr old police officer when all this happened. I was a housewife with a small part-time job. He is not sure what his career holds now and we won't find out for a few months yet. I am looking to go back to work. If he stays home he will get to be the one to shuttle girls after school and thats okay too.

Like I said in the header, my role in life has changed several times the last year and it continues to change. I just take each day as it comes and don't do much planning at this point. I think the kids are starting to realize that their parents don't actually have their lives planned out moment by moment. We don't predict the future but how we react to it molds our children. Only God knows what will happen and its very liberating to just let everything go and let Him have control. God is in the small stuff and He has proven over and over that he cares and loves us very much.

I am a very proactive personality. I would rather plan for the variables than have to react to them. This whole year has turned that personality trait on its ear! I have not reacted with despair at the thought that my husband may not be around in a few years. I react with hope that research has come so far in just the past few years. Hope is what I have.....It comes from God - NOT Obama.

Sara P Duke Gardens, Durham NC